Lucy Shaw's Not Sure by Jo Bavington-Jones

Author:Jo Bavington-Jones
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: humour;chick lit;motherhood;humourous;humorous;british humour;female contemporary fiction
Publisher: The Conrad Press
Published: 2017-09-25T10:48:54+00:00

32

So near, so spa

My eldest sister Rose, who’s four years older than me, is one of the most intelligent people I know. Not only does she have a good brain, but she uses it. After graduating from Cambridge University, Rose went on to qualify as not only an accountant, but a personnel manager and a teacher of Mathematics. Of course, I could teach maths if I wanted to. To the reception class. I scraped a B grade at ‘O’ level and that was to be my ultimate achievement in the area of mathematics. (How I ended up working in accounts remains a mystery, but it sure as hell has nothing to do with any mathematical talent.) I have been told that my brain is as good as Rose’s. I’m just not as good at using it. Call it laziness if you want. I do. Whatever the truth, Rose is an achiever. I am a supreme under-achiever.

She’s also incredibly busy. All of the time. With a large house and garden to look after, three equally busy kids and an even busier GP husband, I don’t know where she finds time to teach. And tutor. And bake for cake sales. And sing in the church choir. And start up Brownies in the village. And have jewellery parties. Need I go on. Rose never stopped. It made me tired just thinking about how much she got done in a day. I think it’s an achievement if do a load of washing and have something edible in the house for dinner. (Although if you spoke to Paul, he’d be only too happy to tell you how often he came home after a long day in the office and had to get his own dinner. With all that cooking, when was he going to find time to polish his halo?)

OK, so I’m no domestic goddess. The only resemblance I bear to the lovely Nigella is in the curve department. But I’d been a full-time housewife (sorry, homemaker) for six years by this time and had become something of an expert at housework avoidance. It was only the threat of visitors that made me run the vacuum cleaner round. I’d also given up ironing. Well, it was that or chocolate. I found that if I gave the washing a really good shake before I hung it up then it really wasn’t too bad. Body heat took care of most creases.

Unfortunately for Paul, this rather limited his shirt options. He had to select a shirt from the few which didn’t look too screwed up after washing and ignore the much larger selection which looked as though they’d been slept in. Now there’s an idea: I could wear them as nightshirts. Every cloud and all that.

Having justified the lack of ironing activity, I started to think about how I could excuse the state of my car and the cobwebs around the coving… Well, the cobwebs were easy. I have always lived by the adage ‘if you wish to live and thrive, let a spider run alive’.

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